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by Lorna Marlow

Writing is a funny old game, full of moments when you really believe you can do it, interspersed with moments of crippling self-doubt. And often, you are the only person who can convince yourself that you have a story that deserves to be told; a voice that deserves to be heard.

Writing, by its very nature, is often a solitary pursuit and it takes a lot of courage to keep going. I am sure I am not the only author to sit with head in hands on occasion, wondering what on earth I am doing. Even now, referring to myself as an author gives me a shiver of imposter syndrome.

So why do it? I hear you cry. It’s certainly not for the money or the fame because if it was, I would have given up some time ago. I think, for me at least, it is an itch that needed to be scratched; an undefinable ache inside that told me something was missing from my life. That might sound a little dramatic but that’s the best way I can describe it.

I first felt that ache at seventeen and I spent many a torturous hour in my bedroom trying to map out a grand and sweeping historical epic. I have box files full of half started stories: getting started was never an issue; knowing where to go next was. Eventually life got in the way and writing became a distant dream; something I would have liked to do in another life.

But life, like writing, is a funny old game too and when I reached my fifties, I began to wonder if my writing dream could be rekindled. There was no lightbulb moment of clarity, just a gradual resurgence of that familiar ache. However, it wasn’t until I went into work one day and handed in my notice (without giving my husband any prior warning) that things began to change. He was surprisingly understanding and began to tell people that I was a writer and at first I was horrified: what if they laughed at me? What if I couldn’t do it? But over time, the more he said it, the more I believed it and the more I started to tell people too – and this was all before I’d written a single word!

When I did start to write, I discovered things about myself that I never would have expected. I am a neat freak at home, much to my family’s annoyance, but my writing style was chaotic to say the least. There was no plotting, no character profiling, no hours of meticulous research – I just dove in headfirst, writing whatever scenarios popped into my head each morning. I loved the sense of freedom and flexibility this approach gave me and I soon stopped being surprised when new characters popped their head over the metaphorical fence or dropped a bombshell that even I didn’t see coming!

This approach certainly stopped me getting writer’s block but corralling all my random scribblings into a cohesive whole was interesting – and expensive. I had to print each scenario off and shuffle them into order, then fill in the gaps. Other writers may gasp at my seemingly inefficient way of working but it suited me and it got the job done. Dare I say it, I enjoyed the editing part too, which I know is some writers’ nemesis. Once I’d decided what season I was in that is, because wintery walks and log fires one day and summery blue skies and sunshine the next don’t mix – unless you live in Cornwall where I am told it is perfectly normal to experience four seasons in one day. Perhaps that’s why my first three novels are set in that part of the world.

Once I’d wrangled book one into order, I found that I wasn’t done writing and book two and three followed in short order and have yet to be published but that is a whole other ballgame. If writing had its hills to climb, publishing presented a mountainous challenge of Everest sized proportions.

Type the word ‘publishing’ into any search engine and you are met with literally hundreds of options, from the relatively inexpensive e-book publishing offered by Amazon KDP, through self-publishing pay to print, self-publishing companies, hybrid publishers, small independent publishers, right up to the ‘big five’ traditional publishing houses. A lot of these publishing options come at a cost to your bank account or your soul and there are so many to be avoided, it’s a wonder anyone ever bites the bullet and publishes anything at all. However, for every scam publishing house, there are an equal number of organisations and associations to guide you through the publishing maze. I for one, wish I’d come across the Society of Author’s blacklist of publishers sooner. Joining some of these associations can be pretty expensive too but a lot of their information is freely available, and I would advise any would-be author to make them their starting point.

On reflection, I can admit that I have made some mistakes on the way to bringing my debut novel to life but it’s out there now, and the rest is up to me. I know that some newbie authors have been surprised at how much of their own marketing they have to do but that is something else I have learned to really enjoy. I am a great believer in fate and I think that I was not destined to be a writer until my fifties, when I have much broader shoulders, thicker skin and a much stronger if-you don’t-ask-you-don’t-get attitude than I ever had at seventeen.

At long last, the itch has been scratched and the ache has disappeared although I think I’ve caught some sort of (writing) bug because now I have so many stories in my head, I don’t know when I will stop.

There are still some days when the imposter syndrome looms large and I wonder if I can really make a success of this writing career but then I look at my book sitting on my study bookshelf and smile. I wanted it out in the world, and I only have to look at my social media feed to see that it is having the time of its life from cruises in the Caribbean, to sun soaked beaches in the Mediterranean and from the mountains of New Zealand to the skyscrapers of Hong Kong.

As I write this, I’ve just signed up with a cruise speaker’s website in the hope that one day, I can follow in its footsteps.

If you’d like to read my debut novel, Finding Home by Lorna Marlow, you can order it from Amazon, Waterstones or any independent bookshop or directly from Pegasus Publishers. You can also follow my journey at www.lornamarlow.co.uk and on Instagram and Facebook @lornamarlowauthor